Thinking....

So today was hard. It was harder than I thought. Not that I thought it would be easy.
I knew that being there for Laurie and her family would be hard. I knew that seeing the sweet innocent faces of Shane and Emma crying would be hard. I knew that worrying about Bobby being without his Pops would be hard. Hearing the sobs of Beanie and Cyn...I was prepared for that.

I was prepared to hold my friends hand. I was prepared to hug anyone who needed it. I was ready, yet nervous. Funerals are never fun.

Sheryl and I pulled up to the funeral home, took deep breaths and walked up. I hugged Beanie's Mom. Then my beautiful friend came out of the funeral home. She had been crying but she was still beautiful. Huge hug. I rubbed her head, she is so short. She walked us inside and walked us right up to Bobby. I did not recognize him. So I actually walked right past him to look at the amazing collage that Beanie made.

The collage was perfection. Her Dad was so beautiful. You could see the love in his eyes. You could feel the warmth of his hugs. You could almost hear his laughter from his smiles in the photographs. You could feel the love for his children, grandchildren and family. The look in his eyes was pure joy. Perfection...

Laurie took me from staring at the collage, she turned me around once more to Bobby. I looked up at him and gasped. I grabbed his face and stared for a moment. I could not believe that it was him. It is funny that I have barely met this family and I feel like a little part of it. So to see Bobby looking so grownup, like a man, instead of Beanie's baby brother was incredible. He will make his Pops proud.

Then we saw Tophey. This man, he is a presence. He is one of those people who can put you totally at ease. You don't feel the need to put on a show for him. You don't feel like you have to pretend up a conversation. You can just be yourself and he accepts that. Lauries feet hurt from her shoes and he didn't even hesitate. Out to the van he went to get her comfy shoes. And then a threat to the dog for chewing on her heels.

Sheryl and I found a seat but ultimately changed spots to make room for close family. We moved to the side room. I went over to ask Laurie if she wanted me to read her letter to her Dad. The writing on the envelope made me cry and that made her cry. So of course I had to make her giggle which I did. And she couldn't stop. And that felt good for me.

The service was nice. Sheryl sobbed next to me and I tried the entire time to hold them back. I do not like to cry in public. Mostly because I don't want too much attention on myself. Although, hearing Lauries sobs and seeing Cyn hunched over with her eyes in a tissue was hard. Hearing Shane singing the hymns was beautiful. Seeing Lauries head in her Mom's lap was heart wrenching. I held it in. I didn't loose it until the end of the service. A soldier walked up to the casket and saluted it. Done. I was done. I cried. And then all of the children who were there placed something special on the casket for their Pappa. That was beautiful. Just the fact that they had thought enough to give him something...

The reception was nice. We ate. We helped Laurie giggle. We held her when she cried. They had a dove releasing ceremony. The bird scared the heck out of me...but the meaning was beautiful.

I am happy that we were there for her. Although, the entire thing has really made me think. My Dad is not much younger than her Dad. That is so scarey for me to even think about. Her Dad was still so young and it almost doesn't seem fair. He should have had so much more time here with his family. Maybe there is something better waiting for us though. Am I selfish in thinking that I want my Dad here. I am not nor will I ever be ready to let him go? And then there is my Step Dad. He has been in my life since I was three. He is dying. He has 2-6 years left. And until today has not really been real to me.

I guess it is true. We need to cherish our friends and family. Everyday is a gift.