Dawn Blabber

Well, if you know me you know that my brain doesn't really turn off. It keeps going and going and going. That is why I like sleeping, because if I can fall asleep then my brain slows down and I don't think and when I open my eyes my head is quiet.

So much has happened these past couple of days and my brain is on overload. Thinking about friendship, love, tears, family...It won't stop and I don't think that it will for awhile.

I am thankful for friends that become family though. And I have been blessed in the past few months to have become part of two amazing families. I love that. I grew up with no family around and so I tend to grab onto and clench with tight fists and an even tighter heart to my friends who become family. As, I don't want my children to feel like they only have me.

I want my babies to have several people who are close to them. If (God forbid) they have a problem and they feel like they can't come to me I want them to be able to have a huge list of people that they can call. A person who they love and trust, who I love and trust.

When I was in junior high a classmate tried to rape me. It was horrible, absolutely horrifying. And I told absolutely noone. Not a single soul knew. I remember feeling so sick, scared and humiliated that this had happened. And I can remember the feeling of being completely alone, not having anyone to tell. I feel like if I had more family around that I would have been able to go to someone.

This is one of the biggest reasons that I will never turn on a friend. I will never shut someone that my children love and hug out of my life. I will keep all of my friends....ALL of my family friends forever.

You know who you are.


I guess that is alot of what I have been thinking about. I have more blabber. Wanna hear it?

K...so Beanie and I did Jazzercise tonight! I loved it, I am so fat...
David has a blackhead pimple on his nose, it has been there for a few months. I tried to sqeeze it out but it won't come out. Everytime I look at him I see that huge thing and it makes me crazy.
I really want Tony to shave his head.
I love my new shoes from Payless Shoe Source...they were only $10 and they are just for the Gym. I love that PSS has Champion and Airwalk now. Does anyone get why Champion's logo looks like a D?
I saw a picture of Paris Hilton and Mikey the midget at the gym last week...it still bothers me.
I need a pedicure
I have to go fill out a job application this week.
I hope that Scotty has food poisoning so that the rest of us don't get the pukes too.
Oh! I finally made it to White Level at the YMCA!!! I am so proud...

Okay, that is about everything that is going through my brain right now. Does anyone elses brain work like that??

Dear Woman Who Pretends to Like Me....

I know that you don't. I know that you are nice to me because I finally, after 40 years, gave you a girl. Woo Hoo!!! Yay for both of us!!!
But know what!? I promise you that I am not trying to kill her. And plus, I am not a freaking idiot. I really am not. Look at Scotty!! Just look at him!! He made it all the way to six years old and he is still alive!! He hasn't had any broken bones or anything!!

And even little David. Sure, I electrocuted myself when I was pregnant, and I take full blame for his crazy hair. But he is alive too and a whole whopping three years old!!!

Now, would you like me to wrap her in that mother fucking blanket until you can only see the whites of her eyes?? I mean!! What the FUCK!!!! It is 34 degrees outside and you thought I was going to what, bring her over in a tank top and daisy dukes?? Get a clue! I am not stupid! I promise you that I am not!!

Did you know that I am a college graduate and everything?? Oh wait, you were there! So what the fuck am I doing so wrong that you think I am going to just bring my baby out naked so that she will freeze to death??

Oh and yes, we are giving her prune juice. No I haven't lost her shoes. Yes she has socks. Rash ointment? Yes I have it, but she doesn't have a MUFU rash. Please stop feeding her pickles. No you shouldn't give her cheese when she is constipated. No the dog is not going to hurt her, but if she doesn't stop putting her fingers up his nose I think he should....

Okie Dokie

So the Dr said that I need to have my tonsils removed. I have actually been told that before, as I have always had tonsil/gland/ear infections since I was a kid. And the Doctor is hoping that just being that I have had this infection since Christmas is the cause of all of my head and neck pains that I have been having lately.

So now I wait for the referral call. And I will have my first surgery ever! And I am scared and whiney...

Just a little rambling...

So, things around the house are good.

I feel confident in finally saying outloud that Tony is making an offer on a shop today!! He is going to offer up half of what the guy is asking, so we will see....

I am still sick. I have just been dealing with it a little better. But this weekend kind of kicked my butt and I stayed in my jammies all weekend and was as lazy as I could allow myself to be. So I made a Dr's appointment for this morning. I am sure that they will prescribe some medications, I am just praying that I won't have to see the stoopid office girl.

Scotty is reading! His friend stayed the night last night and Scotty read him a bedtime story! I took a picture and almost cried.

Ariana is a genious. Talking so very much and she is actually able to tell us just what she wants...usually food. She loves to eat! But she is just the cutest thing ever and I am so very in love with her. This morning she is really wanting a "donut" and the cinnamon rolls that I made for breakfast just did not do the trick. She still wants a donut...

David is a pill. He is very very cute, but he drives me insane and makes me want to smash my head into the wall at least four times a day. He is so funny and is so full of personality. I am very proud that he is so strong in what he wants. I hope that trait will follow him througout his life.

I am working very hard on earning that trip to Bermuda. I have from now until April 30th to do it. I researched the trip online and the room that I will earn is actually over $2000 per person if I were to pay for it on my own. I am really hoping and working for taking Tony away. He so needs a vacation. I do too....

Anyways, I guess that is it. I should get dressed to go see the Doctor.

Dawn

Worried

I got a really disturbing call the other night. It was from a really good friend, one who I have been friends with for my whole life, but we don't talk now as much as we used to. And I miss it...

Anyways, he sounded awful. He was upset and not his bubbly self. And he is too far for me to just go and fix the problem. Not that the problem is fixable, but I wish that I could.

I heard from him on Friday and I haven't been able to get a hold of him since then. And it makes me worry because he sounded so bad and so upset. So for now I will just pray that he is okay and resting...

Just Icky Part Two!!!

I just got the best phone call ever!!!

My Michele called me to tell me that she just read my blog. The nasty icky fingernail lady! You know who I am talking about right?? Well here is a refresher


Okay, so Michele read it and she had to call me!! Know why??? Because on December 26th at 2:00 she was at WallMart! She was there with her sister and her niece. And she saw "Fingers!"

She said that she almost threw up in her mouth when she saw the toes!! And her sister had moved away from her and her neice so she put her niece on "Fingers" trail because she did not want to lose her. She wanted her sister to see just how disgusting it was.

When she was telling me this I was squealing and laughing and jumping up and down in my kitchen because you just can't understand unless you have seen it.

Do you remember the picture that I posted of the feet?? Michele said "No, those are pretty, Fingers toes are just wrong" And she described her toes as Prouettes!


Hahahahaaaaaaaa, I so have to get a picture of the toe! I just hafta!! I am so on a mission now!!!

Week One

Okie Dokie!

Thie week went really well. And I know that it is not over, but for me the excercising party is for the most part. Tony works on Saturday this weekend so I might cruise over to the YMCA for a little while.

Anyways, I stuck to the diet so far!! No cheating! I did not even eat one of the yummy chocolate cupcakes with white creamy frosting. My Mom seriously brought over a whole tray of them!! Home made!! She is a stinker. I did not even lick the frosting off of my fingers when I took the paper off for the kids.

I have been a low carb and no sugr queen all week. And I actually feel pretty good. Sure, Geeka and I almost caved yesterday during a moment of tears and giggles for a sliver of cheesecake, but we didn't! I called her and told her to abort the mission! No cheesecake! We have to be good!

Monday I did an hour in the gym and then an hour of jazzercise.
Tuesday I did 30 minutes on the Beast (ARC Trainer) and then about 45 minutes of jazzercise
Wednesday I did the Extreme Water Aerobics with Beanie
And Yesterday I did 20 minutes on the Beast and 2 machines from the circuit

On Tuesday I was weighed and pinched, by Linda at the Y to see how much of me is fat. And it turns out that I am only 60% human and the rest of me is fat! My Dad said not to stress too much about that because my brain is all fatty tissue, so that made me feel like I must be smarter than I realise.

Linda was overly nice and told me that I should not cut out sugar, just not eat 45 cookies at one sitting. But we all know that I can't control that! I need my cookies!! So it is all or nothing. We also set a goal for me to meet by April, which is to drop one pant size and I think that is not realistic. I mean...I pray that I will loose more than that by April! Come on now...I had lost 50 pounds in 4 months before....So we will see what happens.

I have no idea how much I weigh because each scale says something different. So I am going to have Geeka measure me today and that should help. Plus with the problem that I had in high school of not eating and stuff seem to peek their little head out at me when I start thinking about numbers....

Okay, that is enough for now. I am going to try to post a weekly profile picture as well. I know I said that before, but I promised Geeka and you know I am going to earn that cruise to Bermuda so I need to do something!

KB!! This is for you...

Cool Slideshows

I am having problems getting all of the pictures here. I will burn you a disk...

Thank You Anon...

For making one of my best friends in the world doubt me.
Thank you for being too much of a coward to say your name.
Thank you for caring enough about my Beanie to not just say it quietly to her.
Maybe she knew more than you thought she did.
Thank you for letting me go to bed crying last night while my husband held me kissing my forehead.


A part of me understands your concern, Anon. I really do. But why did you have to do it this way? Why? Why not a personal message to Beanie? Why not a quiet show of concern? Now, thanks to you, I might lose a part of my happiness, sunshine, giggles and smiles.

I have searched for so long to find two amazing friends.

Missing...

I am missing my family. My east coast family. If it were not so expensive to fly home I so would.

I know I grew up here in California. But that is where my Dad longed to be. And that is where everyone was. We were alone here and when we would go on vacation everyone would be there. Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and my Grandparents. Not to mention that my Dad was truly happy there. I could tell that he felt like he was home and he felt at peace. That is why it is home to me.

Tony and I have made it a point to go back once a year, pretty much since we have been married. And this year, it is just not going to happen. And I am truly missing it right now.

I want to feel the warmth and welcomeness of Auntie Donna's home. With my goofy Uncle sitting in his chair smoking cigarettes. I want to see my cousin Lisa Marie and congratulate her on becoming an attourney!! I want to giggle at Timmy's foofy eyebrows. I want to see my Uncle Ernie try to hold the baby knowing damn well that she doesn't want him. I want to see my cousin Scotty smile while watching the kids play.

I crave sitting up in the fort. I want to be able to sit in Grampy's house without feeling sick, without missing my Gram so much that it hurts.

I want to laugh hysterically at my Aunt Sandy and give her a hug when she needs one. I want to go get tattooed or pierced or something bad with Angie.

There is nowhere else in the world where I would rather be right now, this very minute.

Peru

I think King is going here...I can picture him laying on the beach....

Wicked Tired

Yeah, I am from MA...

Okay, so today was the first day (again). But this time it is real. It is real because my Geeka got advice from her Doctor. And Beanie, Me and Geeka promised eachother to do it together. So here we are day one of the real diet.

I did okay. I mean, I did really good. I followed the diet. Woo Hoo! Go ME!! I got up and got the babies ready and went to meet Sheryl at the Y and we did a good workout. I got sweaty and felt blah. And then I went grocery shopping and got healthy stuff...yuck!

And then the three of us did Jazzercise tonight. And Beanie is such a goofball, I couldn't even look at her silly giggly ass.

But now it is 9:20 and I am hungry damnit! This is cookie time, I swear it is. Something chocolate is calling me. And my Mom even brought homemade cupcakes over for the kids. And I want one so bad. But I am not gonna do it. Because my girls are more important to me than a mufu cupcake...